Sunday, October 25, 2009

New Blog

Thank you Josephine Wall for your beautiful work!

Hello to any wandering souls here in Blog Land. If you have an interest in what I am writing/sharing these days, you can find me over at "Waking up on Earth".

Happy wandering!

Eileen Meyer (Em)

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Visit Me!

I'd like to thank those who have recently come here and commented on the beginnings of my book. It's wonderful that you stopped by. I also invite you to visit me on my more active Blogger site: Feelings Aloud.


Saturday, April 01, 2006


To Interested Readers,

I have intentionally stopped postings here with my writings as it has become necessary to synthesize and edit the existing chapters, as well as add the remaining chapters off-line in order to produce an overall cohesive feel to the book. I am leaving the first 6 chapter postings for now.

You are certainly welcome to add comment if you wish. Should you have any need for direct correspondence, you may contact me at the e-mail address on my profile.

The first chapter of this book is the first posting, "What I Know by Heart", and works it's way up to the most recent posting, "Knowing Prayer and the Present Moment".

With a warm heart,
Eileen Meyer

Saturday, March 04, 2006

Knowing Prayer and the Present Moment

In the previous chapter, we were building in crescendo to this idea of a magic pool, the Waters of Life; where all is restored, lifted, fed, full-filled. And it is just that - an idea. Because in order to talk about it, by the very nature of communication - whether it is through words, music or a painting - I must step out of the pool and put my 'word' robe on, or my music robe, or whatever form others might identify with. On the other hand, if we met in these Waters, words would not exist or even be relevant in that place of Oneness.

My journals began in 1980. There are volumes of my writing that span a few decades in time - mostly filled with frustrated attempts to describe my experiences with that enormous indescribable LOVE. That 'Love Goo', as I came to affectionately describe it, blessed me with random, drop-in 'visits' that I can recall having as early as 4 or 5 years old, all the way up to ...well, yesterday. I did manage a span of years where I successfully blocked it from happening. Whether I was truly in charge of that, I'll never know. Now why would one want to block LOVE? Because very simply, it will drive you insane - knowing that there is so much more and having no context or outlet for it. Now when I was a young child experiencing this, it was wonderful. Perhaps I had more of a comfort level with it because for this brief time I simply had more permission to be childlike and natural. But when it occurred in adulthood, it repeatedly and quite literally propelled me out of context with my carefully designed life - a life that was copied from other lives so that I might be accepted by others and appear as normal as I could possibly be. In fact, to be 'normal' or to 'fit in' was my driving goal. While I no longer feel this way today, it was in times like those that I totally and completely 'got' the phrase, "ignorance is bliss". I found myself begging the Powers that Be to make me ignorant of that LOVE once again. Although once you are touched by Creation energy and aware of present-moment bliss, there's no going back; no more pretending to be small.

I smile when I think back to those early adult years, in desperate search of answers through books on ETs, angels, dolphins, healing, dreams, Jungian psychology, astrology, numerology, physics... Well let's just say that I looked everywhere for answers in this world, only to discover years later that ultimately, the answers aren't here. Sure, there are fragments of it in almost every book I hungrily devoured in those days - bits of wisdom that gave me fleeting moments of comfort, but nothing that offered lasting satisfaction. The only satisfying 'answer' I received was when I was actually in IT. And what I have more recently learned is that IT isn't any-one, any-place or any-thing. It is "I". It's me!!! It is God! But wait. It can't be both God and me. Or can it?

I assure you, I am not sitting in my metaphorical Magic Pool as I type here now. Most of the time when I write, I feel a lovely energy in my being, but it's usually stop and start - waiting for the 'right' words to flow into my thoughts and fingers - words that best represent the experience of being in the pool, in that LOVE. If I were to be in that Oneness, I would not be able to speak, much less write. Rather, I should say I do not want to speak. For that act, in and of itself, would pop me out of the pool. Channeling is the closest I can come to being in the pool and speaking at the same time. Even that feels more like sitting at the edge of the pool with my feet dangling in - part of me IN and part of me OUT. But to be fully in the pool is to be fully in the present moment, where there is no need or desire for action or explanation.

So why even try to talk about it? Why not just keep it to myself and enjoy the glory of it all without opening myself up to misunderstanding and perhaps ridicule? I don't know. There is something about my very essence that is designed to report or share. A glutton for punishment? I don't think so. When I am out of the pool, having freshly emerged, I am consumed with the inspiration to share - especially when I am able to develop or be guided to workable tools that are useful to me and perhaps useful to others. I have always been more interested in the practical application of spirituality in everyday life. I have a watercolor painting that describes this feeling perfectly. I wish I could recall the artist's name. (Sorry. It's in storage.) It is a beautiful image of a young woman with feet firmly planted on the lush, green earth, while stretching her arms into the heavens and fingers lightly touching the stars. I love that!

I have found that living in the gap between the human experience and the Divine almost demands some form of prayer or conversation between the two 'views'. I have simply found it to be a necessity. As long as there is some perception that I am separate from that which IS; and as long as I live in the framework of thought and ideas that have reference only in past and/or future terms; then I must ask to be returned to that state of Oneness or knowing as much as possible. While I have been able to sustain those lucid, present moment experiences for longer periods of time, alas I haven't managed to stay there. Eventually, I do pop out of the Magic Pool of eternal, liquid LOVE. And that is when I am bursting and beaming with joy for a time, as the sacred water droplets have not completely evaporated from the burning surface of concrete reality. In this emergence, I find myself relating to the ecstatic states described by Rumi or St. Teresa of Avila - weeping with tears of pure joy - not because I choose to, but because I MUST in order to release the power of that Love. I may write a poem, or a song; there are even times that I speak what sounds like a beautiful foreign language. I don't know what it is; I've never heard such a language spoken before. The point is, there is no thought. These natural responses just seem to happen - not TO me, but through me.

And then... invariably I get hungry and go make myself a sandwich. Or I have to go to the bathroom. Or I have to pick up the dry cleaning. Or, I have to go to work, stop off and pay my cell phone bill; buy some new shoes; do the laundry, etc. Even my regular Friday night 'gig' at a hotel in Santa Fe, New Mexico, would remind me of the distance between the state of bliss I was in that preceded the writing of the song, versus the state I feel I must be in to 'perform' it for others. That's when I would clearly 'get' that I was back in the land of opposites, back in the gap with only the hint of a memory of pure LOVE and ONEness. Did it really happen? Am I crazy? Was it a dream? Ah well. I'm too busy to be bothered with it now... At least until I'm in
pain again.

When I am in pain, I become ultra-conscious of the gap, and therefore conscious of the need to bridge. This is when I apply my 'talk-it-out' approach. I bridge myself into the feeling realm by continuously answering the question, "What are you feeling now?", (see earlier chapter, "Feel This") and ultimately I land back into the Oneness, or at least at the Water's edge. There is no pain here, and I am asked, "What do you want now?"

The way in which the idea of prayer was first introduced to me, and seems to be reinforced regularly in our Western culture, was not unlike the church scene in Monty Python's "The Meaning of Life":

Chaplain: Let us praise God.
[The congregation rises.]
Chaplain: O Lord…
Congregation: O Lord…
Chaplain: … ooh, You are so big…
Congregation: … ooh, You are so big…
Chaplain: … so absolutely huge.
Congregation: … so absolutely huge.
Chaplain: Gosh, we're all really impressed down here, I can tell You.
Congregation: Gosh, we're all really impressed down here, I can tell You.
Chaplain: Forgive us, O Lord, for this, our dreadful toadying, and…
Congregation: … and barefaced flattery.
Chaplain: But You're so strong and, well, just so… super.
Congregation: Fantastic!
Chaplain: Amen.
Congregation: Amen.

If someone were to ask me, what was the funniest thing you ever heard or saw, it would be that scene from Monty Python. I have never laughed harder. You know that feeling, when YOU don't even understand why your laughing so hard? I think it's wonderful that we can laugh at ourselves in this way. Thanks guys. We need all of the comic relief here that we can get!

So the contrast here is moving from, "I am so small and insignificant. I don't know if you can hear me, but... Please fix this for me. I've tried to be good ...etc.", to more of a Knowing Prayer or communion. Knowing Prayer is spoken from the place of feeling, from the perspective of the one who is emerging from or is near the present moment experience - aware of one's connection, and yes, equality to All That Is.

Here's what I've learned in a nutshell. Please keep in mind that I am not speaking in absolutes. I am literally feeling my way through all of this: Feeling connects us to All of Creation. When I make a request with my feeling nature activated, I activate All of Creation. I am One with All of Creation and I am acting from this place of equality. If my request is in alignment with All of Creation and for the benevolence of All, it will be so.

I have the experience of sending out prayers from the disconnected state, as well as the connected state. I am aware now that when I pray from my mind or intellect, All of Creation cannot 'hear' me. It's like I'm calling out from a parallel universe that all of humanity has created with the mind. When I pray in feeling, I am resonating with All That IS. I am in the 'web' and my requests vibrate through the natural, "knowing network". In other words, when I'm resonating with the Natural World - both physical and non-physical, I am landing back in the REAL world, contrary to popular belief and opinion.

The form of the prayers or statements from this magical place is varied. Again, I may sing my prayer into a song, or say my prayer in the form of a poem. I may also embrace this Creation energy to make requests for a more benevolent life - for both myself and others. It is here that I am connected to and charged with the very Waters of Life - in feeling. It is here that I am connected to the Power to transform old ideas and creations that no longer serve me, into new creations that are more representative of my new awareness and understanding - an understanding that I absolutely have the power to contribute in a benevolent way to the changing of my own life, as well as the world. No question about it.

Because my physical body is familiar with the LOVE that permeates every cell of my being while in the present moment, I can re-call this warmth and power that seems to start in my heart, solar plexus, or right palm, and then radiates throughout. When a need is presented to me - whether it is my own or another's, I will feel or activate this warmth and make a request. I did not have an established word structure for this kind of prayer; it was pretty random until I met Robert Shapiro and learned of his channeled works about "Benevolent Magic and Living Prayers". I have adopted this prayer structure in my own work because it is simple and so helpful to have the structure readily available in times when you feel the need and want to respond to it quickly without much thought.

I wish I could give you lots and lots of actual, documented examples here. Some I have recorded onto a computer journal, along with every great intention that I would track my every move, every word, every result. I suppose this was my good effort to prove to the intellectual world that this is, in fact, real. Life in the NOW doesn't work that way I'm afraid. These prayers are usually spontaneous, near-present moment experiences. And even those celebrated moments when my requests are birthed into physical manifestation, it has a tendency to transport me back into that lovely present-moment peace - where I have no desire or need to make record of it! I find the whole thing fascinating - the back and forth between thinking and knowing. And unless you're feeling right along with me, this may sound pretty nonsensical, to say the least.

I feel that it is unnatural to overly plan, think and strategize our lives here. The validating evidence that I have received from working with feeling and prayer has proven this to me over and over again. My job, and I feel everyone's only job here is to be who you are, rather than what we think we're supposed to be and how we think we're supposed to respond. And I have found that when we are thinking too much, we are investing loads of energy into defending these fragile ideas as well. When we ground or plug ourselves into our feeling nature, we access the wisdom and knowing that is naturally available, as well as obvious, to all of us. We truly limit ourselves by believing that we only have our intellect as resource and frame for life. Magic and miracles are more representative of our natural way of being. It only seems like magic when placed on a stage with a backdrop of the linear and predictable intellect.

I have utilized Benevolent Magic and Living Prayers on literally hundreds of occasions now. Living Prayers are said for both yourself and others. Benevolent Magic is said for yourself. The structure is slightly different. With either form of prayer, you may not always see a physical result. It is important to say and feel the prayer and then let it go, allowing Creation to respond.

Oftentimes Living Prayers are said for people that you don't know and will probably never meet. We've all had that helpless feeling of "Well what can I do about it?" I have said Living Prayers for the help and support of people involved in tragic conditions across the globe; for friends and family when they present a need; for animals that I see outside who need healing and protection; for the people that the ambulance, police and fire engines are responding to; for the child at the grocery store with sad eyes; for our president and his administration; for people living in and around war; and for many, many other circumstances that present themselves to my consciousness on a daily basis.

Example of Living Prayer: "I am asking that all of those people affected by the tsunami in Asia receive all of the help, support, guidance, and comfort that they need now, by all of those people and beings who can best provide this for them, in the most benevolent way for them now."

I have utilized Benevolent Magic for insulation and protection in walking across the street to get groceries or for long journeys away from home; for benevolent results when sending and receiving e-mails, letters, and packages; for my health; for income; for a place to live; for a benevolent outcome to singing engagements and sessions with others; for a good night's rest; for resolution of conflict and misunderstanding with others; for a sense of peace and ease in being human in this world; to be truly who I am; to be loved, heard, seen, and well received with all that I share, and on and on and on. The idea is to become conscious of and accept our talents and abilities to create more benevolent lives.

Early on in my use of this prayer, I found myself becoming attached to the outcome of my requests, even though intellectually I was convinced that I wasn't. I had a lovely dream that provided the feeling example that I needed in order to really 'get' this. Perhaps others will find it useful as well.

January 2005
A very loving being came to me in a dream and explained that when I work with these B-Magic/Living Prayers in this way, it’s like having "money in the bank". When someone or something approaches your consciousness and suggests a lack, or something is bad or not going the way that one would prefer, you can immediately ask for what you want in this way, and then just ‘know’ that you are connected to, or 'have' this huge account now to cover whatever comes up in the given area of your request.

The dream went on to remind me that I am familiar with the feeling of 'knowing' that I am covered. I was then shown and re-experienced a brief time in my life when I actually had a lot of money from a stock investment that paid off in a big way. During that time I was able to write a check for a car. I never forgot that feeling experience - to write a check for a car and know it's covered! In the case of Benevolent Magic and Living Prayer, it's as if you trigger or activate this sense of unlimited abundance and you establish an automatic debit system for yourself, or the people you say it for. The unlimited resource is now available - without having to think about or stress over the details. I really loved the idea of "Magic in the Bank" and have referred to that feeling many times in my work. Don't worry though, you will get demonstrable results to your prayers and it is a very rewarding experience indeed.

Another rewarding aspect of reactivating your feeling nature is that you are naturally more intuitive and responsive to the benevolent, guiding energies in your life. When I have the knowing feeling to take action or initiate movement in my life, I am already doing it before I'm conscious of it. I am already aligned and acting without thought. On the other hand, when I am not feeling the alignment, I feel disconnected, separate, sad, lost, afraid, etc. This is when I know to say a Benevolent Magic Prayer.

Actual Example, Eileen's Journal: July 24, 2005
I am feeling fear around 'what's next' in my life. I've already responded to guidance and changed so much of my life for the good; I've let go of so much of my excess stuff; I've been renting rooms and house-sitting with no desire to set up a new home in Santa Fe. I seem to be preparing and waiting for 'something'. Yet I feel afraid because I can't see or feel my future income, home or location. I'm currently on the road, low on funds, and literally don't know where I will stay upon my return to Santa Fe, ... etc. (This is my 'talk-it-out' phase from the "Feel This" chapter that precedes a prayer.)

I come to a feeling sense of peace - enough to respond to the question, "What do you want now?"

Benevolent Magic: I request that I be provided with the most benevolent living environment until the time that I secure a more permanent place to live in the most benevolent way for me now, and that this result in the most benevolent outcome....for me.

Benevolent Magic (B-Magic for short) begins with "I request" and lists what I do want - very simply. It ends with, "...and that this result in the most benevolent outcome (pause to feel the warmth (Love) in your body)...for me. I then stay in the warmth and power of that energy until it fades. This is where you are literally making your request through your feeling nature to activate the Web of Creation into the manifestation of a benevolent outcome.

In this case, the response and physical result of this B-Magic request came the very next day. A friend called for a channeling and asked when I would be returning to the Southwest. I told her that I would be back the following week. She was so excited and asked if I would please stay in her home, as she would be traveling and needed someone to stay with the animals for a few days, or much longer if I wished.

I LOVE animals and miss them terribly when they are not in my daily life. Here was an example of the most benevolent outcome for me and I didn't even ASK for the 'animal friend' aspect of it, and yet there it was.

Conversely, sometimes you find yourself protesting the outcome in some way. And to that I say, trust. I have always found the results to be the most benevolent outcome, whether I see it in that moment or not!

[Now I can go into much greater detail about these prayers, but perhaps you might want to go directly to the source. Robert Shapiro has a couple of wonderful blogs: One entitled Benevolent Magic, or another blog you may have an interest in is entitled, Mystical Man. He also has several books on the topic, and related topics, that you may find helpful. If you have more direct questions regarding my personal application of the prayers, please do not hesitate to post comment here.]

Continuing with my actual examples: On August 5th I knew that I needed to go to Albuquerque. I was already packed up and driving in the car when a friend called on my cell phone and asked what I was doing. I told him where I was headed and he said, "Hey, I've got an ad on my computer screen for a hotel there. I'm looking right at it! It's a great rate...". I thanked my friend for the phone number, and after hanging up, I said a B-Magic prayer for my overall experience with the hotel and staff. I phoned the hotel from the road and asked to book a room. The young woman said something surprising. "Sorry. We have no rooms." I did not respond with disappointment, rather I felt my 'magic in the bank' and very calmly replied, "Are you sure?" She said, "Yes, I'm sure... wait. One moment please." About 30 seconds later she came back on the line sounding a bit sheepish. "Actually the maid just phoned in and said she had completed the cleaning and prep of a room that became available. I had no idea..." The woman apologized. I thanked her and said there was no need for an apology. I ended up getting a crazy-good weekly rate and the room had a very convenient location.

Once I got settled in to my room, I said a B-Magic prayer for a benevolent longer-term place to live in Santa Fe so that I would have a home-base while wrapping up loose ends in the area, as well as the continuing income to write my book and music. Then, without thought, I got in my car and drove with no particular destination in mind. I got lost in the big city of Albuquerque, and then ended up driving into the parking lot of a large casino so that I could reorient myself. I felt magnetically drawn to go into the casino, so I did, but not before I said a B-Magic Prayer! I walked around for a few minutes, not completely convinced that I was there to gamble. Soon enough though, I saw a machine that just seemed brighter than the others. I sat down and won $200 instantly. I was going to leave with my winnings when I felt pulled to cross the floor to the complete opposite side of the casino. There I saw another machine and felt a magnetic attraction to it. With my first three quarters, I hit a $500 jackpot. I cashed out and left immediately.

The following morning I ate breakfast and read the paper, feeling very happy indeed. I was drawn to an ad in the business section for a conference on Spirituality and Science or some such thing. It was expensive, but I knew I needed to go. I had the money after all. I did not stop to think about it, or to consider the logic of hanging on to the money I had just won. I went with my feeling. It was 20 minutes from the time I read the ad to the time I was standing in line to register. It turns out that I did need to be at that conference. Long story short, I met a woman there from New York, who has become a dear friend, as well as my 'Angel on Earth'. Within just a few minutes of conversing with her, and without her even knowing that I needed a place to live, she offered me the use of her fully furnished apartment that was coincidentally located in Santa Fe. She said that she just 'felt' like she needed to offer it - for as long as I needed it. Later, it was this lovely woman that provided funding for me to be doing what I am doing right now - writing my book and music. Again, this is without my ever presenting a need to her for such. I was completely and gloriously shocked when she offered, as she had already been such a kind, humble and generous woman to me. I was so touched that someone would believe in my work to the degree that they'd gift the necessary resources for me to continue. And why not? I asked All of Creation for it, and an Angel on Earth responded.

The above examples were written down; otherwise I would have much more to share. Suffice it to say that I continue to use B-Magic and Living Prayers because it works. Period.

I find myself wondering now what full living in the present moment might look like. Is it even possible in 3-D? Where is all of this going? How long must I go back and forth between understanding and mis-understanding? Even as I write this book, I'm literally only a few unwritten chapters ahead in my adventures with all of this. I decided to ask about this, for myself as well as others who may be curious, so I entered into a deeper state of connection and got a response (transcribed below).

March 1, 2006
Angelics - Channeled through Eileen Meyer

"You have created in this realm, categories of time. You have a header of THE PAST. And listed under this header you have all that has occurred in your life experience. For some of you, you even include your reincarnational experiences under this header. Over in your FUTURE header, you have what you have referred to as your hopes, your dreams, your wishes. And for some of you, you have even included the idea of a future life. You have entertained this idea, in other words. For it is the entertaining of an IDEA - in both the past and the future categories.

Now what do you have under your present moment category? At this stage of your awareness, you do include this category - most of you, that is. And what we are perceiving this question to be in this moment is, "What, my dear friends, goes under that header? What do I list there?" The question more specifically was, "What does life look like? What sorts of ideas may I list under that category?" You will find that there is no listing under the this category for ideas, for any time you develop an idea OF something, it will either fall into the past category - referencing the past, or it will fall under the future category referencing the future, do you see? For the present moment does not rest conveniently within words, within structure. So, with beings that live in structure, due to the fact that this is a physical realm, how does one live in the present moment? Excellent question!

The reference has been given to a teaching by your Jesus Christ, Master Teacher. What has been passed down in words is referenced in your Matthew Chapter. "Consider the lilies of the field*..." You may study these passages and receive many insights along these lines. This is why it was given at the top of our meeting this morning."

[*This intro to a Bible verse 'dropped' in while centering before writing.]

"Let us use the metaphor of 'meeting' in present moment, for that is what occurs when we, the idea of 'we', connect and commune in this way. For we are having conversation in the present moment, and we are producing words here as a result. How can this be?

The words come as clothing, for the energies that are present in this now moment, just as your dream images become clothing in order for you to see, to perceive what is in actuality without picture or without words. So you see, the clothing comes for you to utilize in communication with others. For you do not necessarily need the clothing, the imagery and the words, in order to receive the message. Do you see? Now if you have intention to share what is occurring, as you are in this way with your book, with the intention to assist others in bridging that gap to present moment existence - to live in the present moment always - then you must find the clothing that is the proper design and fit for the feeling; the feeling that is yours; the feeling that is owned; the feeling that is understood. No question. For as you have discovered, there are no questions, therefore no requirement for answers in the present moment. It just IS. There is no need due to the fact that there is no IDEA present that you are separate from this. These references are in your Master Teacher's Teachings, in the chapter of Matthew."

[Note: I don't even have a Bible where I am living now. I had to look it up online. The 'Lilies of the field' verse is Matthew 6:28, (King James) but the whole chapter seems to be about living in the present. I may explore this further in an upcoming chapter.]

"Now in actuality, the FEELING of Christ, the feeling of Gold, the feeling of Peace, of Healing, of Balance, of Perfect Understanding, is in the present moment. What is being shared in your writings at this time is your own journey to the present moment. Now. Your dilemma that we are perceiving in this moment, is how does human, who is so entrenched in the idea of life in the past and life in the future, humans who have completely bypassed the present moment...saving the moments where you have glimpses, flashes of insight, and flashes of understanding that are to you anomalies... How does one stretch these flashes of insight, flashes of inspiration? How does one stretch that out and step inside and live FROM inspiration always? A very foreign idea to most of you. This is, we would say, next to impossible to design words or images that you would find sufficient. For you are looking within your existing framework in order to validate anything that I might share in this moment about present moment experience. Very tricky, wouldn't you say? So the frustration is certainly understandable from the viewpoint and the experience of the writer. How does one broadcast knowing - without words, without images? Pure feeling. Pure energy is broadcast by one who rests and resides in the present moment. It is a gift to your world to be in the presence of one who is in the present.

When one is in the presence of the present-moment experience, one must train to receive and to be within this present-moment experience - without stepping into the past and without stepping into the future ideas. This is not to say that the images and the words do not come. For they will. For you will still be requiring your clothing in images and words - not fully comfortable with the idea of nakedness in the present moment. This is not a judgment. This is a process. It does take some getting used to - to feel the fullness of Love that is available to you in present moment experience. Let us not get ahead of ourselves. Practice receiving and just being in that present moment. Do not overlay your ideas from past and future onto the present moment experience - which is what is happening when you ask the question, "What does it look like to live in the present moment?" What we are sharing here now is that it does not look like the past and it does not look like the future, and yet... it is not unfamiliar to you. We will leave it at this for you to contemplate. You may move your clothing around, try new styles, redesign your clothing, practice with imagery, perhaps poetry, to provide a statement that most closely resembles the feeling in your heart from the present moment experience. This assists others by inspiring, so that they may view something that leads them into their own present moment experience. It must be clothed in the raiment of the times in order to even exist in the times, do you see? It is a temporary clothing. It is a sign for others that there is more. And when you have your own present-moment experience, it is bliss and ecstasy, pure love indeed. And you will also find within that feeling, a sense of familiarity and home. For this is truly the fountain of your being.

Now, it is understood that this sounds vague. Of course it is vague. For you do not have the convenience and the comfort of a clear and concise category for it. Allow yourselves to feel it. You will find your comfort with it there - in your feeling nature. We are happy to share in this way. Anytime you wish to pose a question, we joyfully respond in the fountain. Thank you for swimming with us today. Good Day."

If you read the previous chapter, you know that I am not a religious person. Spiritual, yes, but not in context of religion. These beings very rarely (if ever) refer to the Bible so specifically, so you can bet that I'm paying attention with these verses 'dropping' in, including several synchronicities with verses from Matthew coming into my view via print and TV over the last few days. Only moments ago, I turned the TV on, flipped through two or three channels, and there it was:

Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God - Matthew 5:8

Who are these 'pure in heart'? I believe they are the ones who are willing to release the idea that we are separate from God, and by releasing these limiting beliefs; we clear a direct pathway to resonate with and swim in the pool of All of Creation. It is in this pure state that we truly SEE and experience God - not as an idea or concept, but as the energy that WE are, and that we swim within - always.

I don't know when I will fully bridge this gap from human to divine; from the lush green earth to the starry cosmos; from the busy, demanding life on the freeway of Western life to the peace and calm of the Magical Waters of Life; or from thinking to full knowing. But I do know this... there is truly no time like the present.

Monday, February 27, 2006

Mental Prayers and Mental Breakdowns

I received a call today from a woman in great distress. Janell (not her real name) felt that she was having a mental breakdown. As I listened to her message, I agreed. In fact, I feel that she's in good company because many of us are having a mental breakdown in this collective Earth experience. And for that I feel we should all be congratulated! Now I doubt if my new friend Janell would be able to see or appreciate this sort of humor - especially at this delicate timing. It seems that things are in the very beginning stages of breakdown in her outer world. The vehicle of both body and belief that she has designed for comfortably moving about in this world is starting to rattle, sputter, squawk and smoke - definite signs of wear and fatigue on this intensely competitive and high-speed highway of Western life. Just by the sound of her voice, I knew that Janell still had every intention and ounce of willful energy in motion – to push herself on - to stay in the game. Although from my vantage point, I could see her slowing down, turning her blinker on, and pulling into the far right lane - just in case.

The first thing I do when someone calls in crisis is to activate my feeling nature and say a prayer. Janell doesn't even know that a request for her comfort and ongoing support has been issued on her behalf, and yet I know that it works, over and over again. I will elaborate on the structure and practical application of this most effective form of prayer in the coming chapters, but for now, I feel that what I saw and experienced on the pathway from mental prayer to Knowing Prayer is equally, if not more important to share.

I returned Janelle’s phone call and strongly encouraged her to go for the walk that she had only mildly threatened to do in her voice mail message. I also encouraged her to seek the right medical professional and medicines that her body and being require at this time. I know there are prescription drugs out there that help people enormously in the living of their everyday lives, but this is simply not an area that I have any professional understanding of - or personal experience.

You see, I was born into a practicing Christian Science family… well, my mother practiced it anyway. You might well imagine the kind of fireworks that shot off around our house when the other half disagreed with the prescribed prayer approach to the family's ills. When one of us three kids got sick or hurt (I mean beyond the skinned knee sort of stuff) our house became an all out war zone in the fight over the 'right' path for our healing. In all cases my mother stood her ground. With God on her side and no compromise in sight, my father would eventually back down, with a few exceptions of course, when he simply had to take matters into …the doctor’s hands. I'm pretty sure I can speak for my brothers here as well when I say that we were more afraid of our parents' disagreements than we were the wound or the illness itself. I am most grateful that my brothers and I made it through those times, for the most part unscathed - thanks to both Mom and Dad. And as you might have guessed, they eventually did divorce - an inevitable physical manifestation of their separate ways.

It's not surprising that the three of us kids never signed up with the church, nor did we even momentarily consider it. In fact, my brothers successfully escaped the dreaded weekly Sunday School requirement early on - long before I did. I suppose it was more family tradition that the prayer torch be passed down through the matriarchal lineage anyway, so I was expected to 'stick with the program' for the long haul. Intuitively though, even at the age of 11, I knew Christian Science wasn't quite for me. Much to my mother's dismay, I dropped the torch that summer day. We had a huge fight. Mom cried. I cried. And then I was free from the clutches of this most unusual religious ideology forever.

The irony is not lost on me though. I can feel my mother smiling now - from wherever she is in her ongoing progression of life beyond Earth - approving of the way in which I have evolved in my relationship with God and prayer. While I do believe there is much value in the Christian Science philosophy, personally I resonated with only some of what the Founder, Mary Baker Eddy, had to offer. It simply didn't work for me because it was presented in a 'mental' way. I would say that in looking back now, it was a necessary piece in the puzzle of my life, but overall it was a very healthy and life-enhancing decision for me to leave the church when I did.

I don't recall the exact year in which my Grandmother died - somewhere in the 1970's. Being the dedicated Christian Scientist that she was, when the diagnosis (or 'suggestion' as she called it) of diabetic illness was presented in her life, she proudly refused the prescribed medication - a medication designed to help people like herself to live happier, healthier, longer lives. My determined uncles did manage to make some headway by convincing Grandma to take her medicine for a short time. We were all so happy when her health improved in a big way, but it was at this point that I imagine the church may have reminded her that prayer was no longer an option for her - due to the shameful fact that she was now taking medicine. The Christian Science Church teaches that you simply cannot do both at the same time. One must be chosen over the other; it’s all or nothing. Grandma stood at this dangerous, life-changing, imaginary intersection for a brief moment in time; where she was informed that God & Prayer were at definite cross-purposes with Doctors and Medicine. She confidently chose her new singular path of prayer, and died shortly thereafter.

It was about a decade later that I watched my torch-carrying Mother wither in front of me. Don’t ask me what she died of - no doctor equals no diagnosis. She was very clear from the beginning that she would continue to stand her ground, and would most certainly not betray her religion or God. I must say this was one of the most heart-wrenching experiences of my life, and one of my greatest lessons - to allow someone to follow their beliefs and convictions - even if it brings their physical life to an end. The three of us kids were completely powerless to DO anything, and her new husband had little interest in opposing her retreat from life. He was not a Christian Scientist, yet in an odd sort of way he happily supported her choice. Behind the scenes he carefully and quietly prepared a will for her signature. It was a simple, one-page last will and testament that outlined one clear directive - he would receive everything.

Those were hard times, but I know Mom is happy now. I was comforted when she came to me in my dreams a few months after her death. We had long, loving hugs and warm, meaningful conversation - something we didn't do a whole lot of in physical life. These were the lucid-type dreams that I spoke of in an earlier chapter - more real than what we call 'real' life. Mostly Mom wanted to tell me about what she had learned in review of her life. It was extraordinary. We spoke of many things, but the one thing I remember the most from Mom was, "Prayer is a beautiful thing...and promise me that if you have something wrong in your body, you will always go to the doctor!" I promised her that I would.

If we could live as full and 'wholly' beings in this world, I imagine we wouldn't even require food and water, much less doctors, prescription drugs and operations. But the truth is, most of us are living fragmented lives - buying into the idea that we are but small, undeserving and insignificant 'things' in this universe - not yet fully aware of our power and presence in the larger set of possibilities and Creation. Christian Science does utilize Christ’s teaching of "Know the Truth, and the Truth shall set you free", but having actually experienced life in the dichotomy, my conclusion is this: Knowing the truth and thinking the truth are two very different things. Meanwhile, until we truly KNOW the Truth in our experience here, I feel that we need all the love, tender care, and physical support we can get - including food, shelter, medicine, family, friends...and prayer.

The mental approach in which prayer was presented and demonstrated in my life was uncomfortable, to say the least. It felt like the chasm between God and I was far too vast to even attempt a feeble request. Therefore, I had zero interest in prayer as I stepped into my busy, confusing, painful, chaotic adult life. The uncertain, makeshift vehicle of body and belief that carried me down that high-speed freeway of life lasted about 20 years before I slowed down and turned my right blinker on. I've been on the side of the road now - off and on - for about 9 years. While I found it to be desperately lonely most of the time, good things did happen. Out of absolute necessity, I began doing my 'talk-it-out' approach to healing myself (previous chapter). Initially, I was very angry with God and demanded answers. Unknowingly though, it was here that I began to bridge the gap between my idea of who this God authority was, and myelf. So there I was, not only considered suspect by my blatant lack of interest and participation in the 'survival-at-all-cost' rush hour traffic, I was now talking to myself! This placed me squarely in that most awkward and uncomfortable societal equation of:

Non-participating people that talk out loud = mental illness.

Ah, what the hell. My old, broken down vehicle didn't work and I didn't have the energy or the resources to fix it anyway. So in time, broke and going nowhere fast, I talked myself out of that old reality completely. What I talked myself IN to was way better anyway - feelings.

Simply put, we as humans are not designed to operate only in the mind and intellect. Early on this conditioning has placed us at an enormous disadvantage in the world we are living in - a world in which we not only neighbor with the Natural World, we live ON it and IN it. There's no getting around that one. As much as we like to draw our road maps with thick, black boundary lines between what is natural and what is man made, it is fast becoming clear that we are collectively killing off all that is natural in order to feed and sustain this false sense of reality - a robotic, mechanized existence that is heartlessly and arrogantly barreling ahead in it's divorce from nature. And what is the physical evidence in our world of this growing disproportion and separation between mind/body, masculine/feminine, and man/nature? I won't bore you by listing the obvious.

So it was during this time on the side of the road, talking to myself, that these understandings unfolded into conscious recognition. This was wonderful in and of itself, but eventually I felt drawn and magnetically pulled in to explore a few inroads. It was here that I discovered some truly beautiful scenery and magical, marvelous sensations while communing with the more natural spaces off the side of the road.

Our bodies are connected to the Natural World. They are made of the stuff of the Earth, just as all of Nature is. Nature is feminine, i.e. our reference to Mother Nature. All that is natural lives in the present moment. We are ignoring our bodies and our feminine feeling nature, which consciously connects us to our Natural Self and each other in the present moment. Our bodies grow tired of the abuse, so they protest through discomforts, illness and breakdown; demanding that we join them in the present moment for emergency conference. Meanwhile, Nature is protesting the blatant disregard for her health as well, demanding conference with you in her own powerful way. But until we get the message that we truly are connected to All That IS, there will be no peace – a peace that many of us say we want! In other words, it seems that there may come a day when all of the medicines, all of the food we can possibly eat, and all of the stuff we can possibly buy, will not cure our ills or satisfy our hunger. Until we remember that we can reawaken into the Stuff of Life and work WITH it, instead of against it, we will remain fragments of consciousness bouncing in and out of humanity's rush hour traffic, like a pinball who can't recall how he ended up in that bright, noisy, uncomfortable and unpredictable machine!

Perhaps Janell feels the Soul's calling to pull off the road now and reintegrate her feminine-feeling nature, although I don't believe she would put it in those exact terms. A few of the symptoms are there: frustration, confusion, grief, and depression. The core of her being is begging to be seen. "Please, please, please FEEL me!" It is most unfortunate in our Western culture that we are conditioned out of our feeling nature. Even the road signs to our feelings have all but faded and crumbled into the soil that provides anchor now for giant, flashy billboards. You know the ones - full of promise and complete resolution of all of our problems upon the purchase of a flashy new sports car, a martini or a mutual fund. Sadly, these are the most prominent signs on on this fierce, freeway of life that we spend so much time on, and as many of us have found, they don't deliver.

So in coming to these new feelings and understandings, I have reoriented myself and become inspired to start a new project back on the side of the road. I suppose you could call it a grass-roots labor of love. Every chance I get now, I'm out there posting my little hand-made signs, not only as reminders for myself, but for the people that slow down enough to see me. The sign is in the shape of an arrow and it says,

"The Feeling Path". And just underneath it, it says,
"Magical Pool" - not as far you THINK!"

I hammer the sign into the earth, then smile and wave hello to the people whizzing by. Sometimes folks will stop by and stay long enough for idle chitchat about my signpost, along with a few careful questions about the Magical Pool. That's when I stop working, push my cap back and wipe my brow. My heart fills, my face brightens, and I tell 'em I went through hell to find it. But I did, and that's all that really matters now. The folks are usually kind and say they need to be getting on. I tell them I understand. People certainly do lead busy lives. At the very least they have my story about some magical pool - just around the bend.

Janell was mildly interested when I showed her the sign. She felt that it was too much work to find the pool. Janell wanted someone with special powers to heal her right there on the side of the road, not quite ready to travel in further to find her own latent power and ability to do just that. Thankfully, there are growing numbers of healers along the busy roadway of life who can best serve her needs now. I've watched many get better in this fashion and then get right back on that busy road. I don't know why that didn't happen for me. I was brought to my knees, and basically tried everything there was to try on that roadside. I found that nothing worked because by god what I was looking for just wasn't OUT there. I gave up. Now this is literally, "I give up!" At least I gave up to the point where, thankfully, a little sliver of space opened up in the doorway between who I thought I was, and who I really am. That's the grace-filled moment when All of Creation manages to get a tiny foothold or little stream of Love flowing into your consciousness… and the chasm begins to close.

I should have known long ago that prayer would be a theme for this life, being born into a Christian Science family and all. But I also had quite a memorable dream early on in my adult life. As you might have guessed, this was also a lucid dream, and prophetic too:

From Dream Journal (currently buried in storage) - sometime around 1980:
I was sitting on the edge of pool, and as I sat at this pool's edge, I found myself distracted by a riddle that was repeatedly being broadcast over the loudspeaker. I became so befuddled and mentally consumed by the riddle that I lost all awareness of the pool. Until, of course, the dolphins started jumping up and out and around the pool in front of me. I was so delighted that I became lucid. I began to laugh and squeal with the dolphins in pure joy as the loudspeaker continued booming with the unanswered, unsolved riddle in the background. Then a funny thing happened. The dolphins went under and everything got perfectly still. Even what had been the annoying loudspeaker in the background fell into complete and utter silence. Then one by one, in consecutive order, each of the six dolphins emerged carrying a lettered sign. The letters spelled out the word, P-R-A-Y-E-R. The riddle was solved.

I'll be the first to admit that I'm no expert on anything OUT there, but I do know my own dreams, visions, feelings, and of course my own story. It’s comforting to know that I don’t have to worry about being right or wrong in all that I share. It’s just my story! I share what works for me. At the same time, I swear I've stumbled onto something big. So I’ll keep ‘posting’ my signs and telling my story to folks that stop by, and I’ll enjoy hearing other’s stories as well.

And in case anyone is curious, I found that this Magical Pool is filled with the Waters of Life; it is the Grail; otherwise known as the feminine energy of Creation. I never really understood what "Waters of Life" and "The Grail" meant as portrayed in religious terms. I know what it is now - in feeling terms. It restores. It cleanses. It thoroughly quenches the thirst from the greatest drought we have ever known. It feeds us and reminds us of why we are alive - to create! How can we possibly set ourselves free until we KNOW that we are ONE with the Stuff of Life? How can we expect our Creator to hear our intellectually created, self-deprecating pleas from across the chasm? I was surprised, astonished and completely relieved to stumble upon the unlimited resource of this Magical Pool. It’s the place where I swim in God and God swims in me. And it is here, when I am completely immersed, that I pray.

BEWARE: If you're not prepared to be fully alive, joining in full KNOWING with All of Creation to manifest a peaceful, joyful, healthy, fulfilling life and world, then by all means DO NOT follow these signs to the Magical Pool.

Otherwise, dive in.

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Feel This

Several months ago I was enjoying an opportunity to vegetate on my couch following an incredibly busy phase in my life. I find television and the sport of channel surfing to be very nurturing, relaxing and enjoyable. It must be because I don't have to think so much and TV doesn't require a huge commitment of energy. Although on this particular day I happened to land on a religious program, coincidently tuning in at a time when the church's preacher was delivering a very serious and critically important message from God to his television audience. It went something like this, "God spoke to me. And I am here to tell you that the Lord is asking you to stop your emotions. With His help, your emotions can be controlled. The devil wants you to be emotional." This message was followed up by a desperate plea for the Lord to help us all 'stop' our emotions. My reaction?

"Dude. No."

My body tensed up. The much sought-after relaxation time was not going as planned.

I didn't have my much-beloved "Dictionary of Word Origins" at the time, but if I had, I would've looked up the word 'emotion' immediately. I wondered if our TV preacher might be misusing the word. I know I was certainly not on the same page with him, and was perfectly willing to wake up out of my TV-induced slumber to discover that it was all just a bad dream. That's what they call wishful thinking, I suppose.

Just for reference, here's what the book says:

Emotion • The semantic notion underlying emotion - of applying 'physical movement' metaphorically to 'strong feeling' - is an ancient one: Latin used the phrase
Motus anima, literally 'movement of the spirit', in this sense. And from Vulgar Latin - ex-movere, literally 'move out,' hence 'excite,'...etc. (From "Dictionary of Word Origins", by John Ayto.)

I am particularly fond of the Latin expression, 'movement of spirit'. It certainly doesn't feel good to stop that. I don't mean to sound disrespectful to the TV preacher. All people must move, follow, and lead in the directions that they are called. This is how we discover what works for us and what doesn't. I'm simply saying that this doesn't work for me (and in all fairness I'm sure my approach doesn't work for the preacher either).

Apparently this has been a touchy subject in my own life. I wrote a song several years ago that seemed to address this pervasive religious doctrine of requiring a man (ordained by the Church of course) to mediate the spiritual distance between Creator and created. The song also offers a more empowering alternative as well - Creator's love and wisdom is directly obtainable - if we are open to it. The lyric goes as follows:

"...they told me You'd send an angel
if I were worthy of a friend
They told me if I kept
The darkness at bay
I'd be granted
My piece of Heaven
In the end"

It goes on to the chorus-bridge with:

"I have seen the angels
Dancing on the darker side of holiness
Leading me through the shadows
Until I find
I am Heaven
In the end."
(lyrics from "And Now I Ask You", CD - "All in One Day" © Eileen Meyer)

I noticed that long after I had turned the television off that day, our well-meaning pastor's message continued to disturb me. And it continued to disturb me until I sat down to 'talk the feelings out' - to say out loud what I was feeling so that I could receive the purity of the message that lay underneath the vague yet persistent company of feelings. So I proceeded to 'emote', in this case verbally express these feelings of anger, sadness, and grief. I won't go into the entire process, but I'd like to outline what this 'talking-out' approach might look like in a real-life scenario.

"I'm feeling angry. I've been feeling angry since I watched that show..and I'm still angry now. Yes...I'm feeling sad as well...", etc. (Keep it in present tense and in total honesty.)

Once I say something out loud, I pause to feel if this is true in my body. You'll get confirmation through a feeling of warmth and flow, or with what I have referred to as the 'yes' energy. The opposite would be, of course, the 'no' or non-flowing energy. If you get the 'no', try expressing your feelings in a different way - your body is just letting you know that what you're saying isn't as truthful as it could be. Once the 'yes' energy is consistent, it may release a few tears. It's all healthy and good.

Continue on until you feel a lull or neutral place, then pick it back up by answering the question, "...and what are you feeling now?".

"I have been feeling uncomfortable in my body ever since I heard that religious message earlier. I feel some tenderness in my heart area and my stomach is queasy. I'd like to understand what this is about...and anyway, what is the meaning of, and the difference between emotions and feelings? ...I don't feel that they are bad. So why do I feel bad now?"

At this point I'll actually talk out loud to my body and ask for images or 'messages' from the locale where the pain is coming from (in this case my heart and stomach), so that I can move into healing and balance around it all. I'll even say something out loud like,

"I am willing to re-view all of the feelings around this so I can 'get the message', or become more clear. I'd like to feel better."

In this case, I begin to see images from the past. Present moment feelings begin to resonate with past feelings around childhood incidents in school, with family members, or in my short-lived church experience, all of which appear to have a common denominator - initial experiences around shutting off or closing down my feeling nature. These are situations in which I was told that emotions and feelings were not welcome; they were inappropriate; this is the 'real world' that we are living in; I need to grow up and realize that "the world doesn't revolve around feelings, etc., etc." So it's here that I am able to review these STOPPED feelings and note the accompanying physical discomfort in my heart and stomach, but because I'm in the present moment where I am enveloped in that immense guiding, loving energy, I do not fully re-live the harshness of the initial pain. What I am gifted with is the wordless understanding that this uncomfortable emotional reaction to the preacher's message is connected to these incidents. I can literally see these threads in my mind's eye, stretching back through time to tie in all resonant hurt feelings that remain acknowledged. And the beauty of all of this is that once these feelings are invited back into consciousness, or 'witnessed', they drop away...or dissolve, and the pain and heaviness is gone as well.

It might seem that we are complete at this point... But wait! There's more! In this case I did find myself thinking that I was coming to the end of this feeling exploration when I heard, "What are you feeling now?" I did not initiate the question. It's as if I am more directly engaged in a dialogue with ‘other’ now. Before I can respond verbally, I am connected to the imagery and feeling that threads back to the birth of my son. I spend some time here, smiling, recalling the power and beauty of that event. I see-feel myself, even after 20 hours of labor, weeping with joy after my son pops out into the world. I am completely caught up in these tidal waves of bliss when... "Stop it! Stop it! Settle down! Why are you crying? What's wrong with you? Control yourself!!!" My doctor was visibly angry and surprisingly disturbed by my joyful outburst. His prescription for this most unwelcome flare-up of feminine expression was not unlike the preacher's - "Dear Lord, stop the emotions", ...but with an added sedative to assure its thorough eradication from his reality. My response?

"Sorry. I really don't know what came over me...". UGH!

And then I mustered up every ounce of the little remaining energy I had to seal off that door to Creation.

Wow. That was a big one. I continued to stay in the feeling-present moment while all of that got felt and acknowledged. I have learned, through much practice, to remain in the heart throughout this exercise. If I move into the mind, I begin to judge or try to solve or fix the perceived 'problem'. You'll get used to recognizing when you pop out of feeling and into the mind. It has a distinct feel. In the talking-it-out approach, I am not soliciting the mind's solution; I am making myself available for the heart's response. (We can utilize the mind/intellect later when we try to find words for it all.)

After voicing all of my feelings and welcoming the body's feeling messages, I reach a place of peace. There are no more words; no more feelings - just total contentment in that pure, thirst-quenching quiet. I have no desire and no need for any action or result. At this point I MAY hear/feel/see something profoundly loving, coming from that seeming 'other' in the dialogue. There are times when pure LOVE itself fills my being and explodes into an ecstatic knowing that says very simply, "All is well", and I truly know that all IS going to be well in this forever unfolding moment. In this particular 'session', the LOVE was there AND produced a vision-message for me. Incidentally, I don't have a sense of God telling me this, and then asking that I pass it on to you. It's a sense of Oneness and fulfillment, a place of unadulterated peace where I just 'know' in my body, in my feelings, that this is an empowering spiritual truth that I can now trust and put into everyday practice. In other words, it's a gift in the form of practical wisdom and understanding - I can now 'stand under it' and apply it AS a spiritual human being, living in a physical world. Before I share the message though, I'd like to include a preview of coming attractions.

We have now arrived, via this talk-it-out format, in what I have found to be THE most charged, potent, and magical place that you can be for creating exactly what you want in your life. The door has been opened wide, the devil is nowhere in site, and Creation energy is rushing through like there's no tomorrow (literal statement). It is here that you can choose to redefine your self and your world through prayer...but we'll save that one for another chapter (wink).

So this was the message that was essentially resting behind the door, the devil, and all of that stuff that got 'moved out'.

I received this message in feeling and imagery and then translated it to words:

Conscious expression of feeling (magnetic): In alignment and communion with the body; is healthy, balanced, and encouraged. Once clear, this can ultimately open a direct pathway for Creation energy to move through and out to others, which inspires and uplifts by its very nature. This is our natural state, in tune with Creation. We may access this enormous power and 'channel' it into benevolent manifestation.

Unconscious expression of feeling (electric): This is unexpressed and unacknowledged feeling (stopped) and is out of alignment and out of touch with the body. Ultimately, Creation energy can't be stopped, therefore when it does come through it is ungrounded, distorted, frenetic and potentially harmful to others.

There are no 'good' or 'bad' feelings, just feelings that can be expressed in body-anchored ways, or non-anchored ways. [Note: The terms 'magnetic' and 'electric' are not being referenced as one might within a scientific model. These are actual feelings in my body that gravitate to these terms to clothe or define the feeling in words.]

So you see, I do not completely disagree with our TV Pastor. If we continue to avoid our so-called 'bad' feelings, they do have the potential to 'come out' at unwelcome and inappropriate times in "distorted and frenetic" ways. I have also discovered, over and over in my own spiritual work, that there is always a gift behind the door that we invest so much time and energy in keeping nailed shut. I believe that under all of that 'bad' emotion, the same emotion that we are taught is 'of the devil' and MUST be 'controlled', lies All of Creation - or in religious terms, "God".

I am aware that there must be an enormous body of knowledge and research available through the fields of psychology, various spiritual and religious studies, science, physics, indigenous wisdom, etc., along the lines of what I am sharing here. I am most certain that what I am feebly attempting to translate from feeling could be quite nicely defined and categorized in rather beautiful and technical words and phrases. I must reiterate that I do not claim the discovery of a new and fantastic base of knowledge. What I feel is unique here is that I am simply sharing what I have learned on my own, what I have learned by heart. I am not studying this from any book, or any one for that matter. I am living this. In fact, I have self-imposed restrictions on what I will read of other's wisdom now so as not to interfere with my own, more direct pathways to wisdom. This is my invention for my life. It is my poetry - my own personal translation of what seems to have become a foreign language in the Western world - feeling. It's one thing to talk about feelings and spirituality while standing on the safe, firm and familiar ground of the intellect, and quite another to dive in, swim around, and commune with IT.

In keeping with previous chapters, I have included some excerpts from past channeling sessions (below) that support all of us in accessing more of our abilities through our feeling nature.

Group Session - Sept. 5, 2005
Angelic (Shalumai), as channeled through Eileen Meyer

Question from "C": I find at this time it is a difficult transition. When I watch the world starting far as the way we have developed civilization...As it's starting to rip apart, a lot of us have that responsibility to make that transition, to be more at one with the world...or the Earth, out of civilization's destructive format. Is there any advice as we watch this come unraveled in the worldly way? How we make this transition to help each other to feel secure, nourished - have needs met? I feel it's going to be a huge change. It's going to be difficult for a lot of people and you know, myself included, to let go of these things.

"Shalumai" (Angelic)
"...I would encourage you to find the time on your own, where you have some privacy, to share these most truthful feelings out loud. Do you see that when you keep those truthful feelings - the truth about who you are and what you are feeling...there's so much judgment about...I'm not just speaking to you at this time, I'm speaking to all humans - there is so much judgment about how wrong it is to feel that. So it is suppressed, and it blocks as you know. Now, when you start to talk your feelings, you will have some rather superficial statements that come out of your mouth, and that is quite all right, because that is the top of the feelings. So talk out the superficial feelings. Say whatever you want to say. If you keep talking, we're going to get to the truth about how you are really feeling. Now, if you imagine a very loving being in your presence - you may imagine any being that makes you feel comfortable and nurtured and loved - imagine that being sitting there and listening, listening to everything you have to say with absolutely no judgment. In fact, that being is saying, "Bring it on! Bring it on! I want to hear it all!". Now, you will surprise yourself if you allow yourself to practice this. You will surprise yourself with some of the enlightening words that come out of your mouth. We encourage this practice. I know this seems to be the topic of the evening, but in order to invite the New Self to live this life, you must acknowledge the feelings. I understand, I am not meaning to bypass the extraordinary experience of watching your world crumble, and that may be very frightening to humans, but why WE are here is to assist you in building up your strengths, in accessing the truth of who you are! When you believe this, and you practice this, then you will be that rock, that strength, that support to others, for you will pass on these practices to others and maybe YOU will listen. Maybe YOU will be the benevolent listener."

In continuing on, I found the following particularly interesting as an explanation for why we might want to begin to utilize the 'feeling' platform in our fast-changing world.

Question from "S": Nature has unleashed a considerable amount of force lately...hurricanes, earthquakes, volcanoes and as humans we're very much interested in where is all this leading and what is the intent of nature?

"Shalumai" (Angelic)
"The 'intent' of nature is to invite you take more responsibility for being the creators that you are. Nature must make the adjustments at this time, for Earth herself is preparing to move into a more expanded experience. She has been holding the memory for you, of who you are. All of nature has been holding this memory in the magnetic field. It is time for human to experience and invite more of the magnetic energy into your being, for the Earth and all of nature will be making these adjustments. Humans, if they invite the Natural Self and invite the new/ancient way of interacting with their world, with their environment through feeling, through instinct, these humans will know. They will hear; they will see; they will know when the Mother needs to shift, when the Mother needs to cleanse herself. This is not something that Mother Earth enjoys [harming humans]. She is asking human to take more responsibility with your abilities - to become natural so that you are plugged into the WHOLE design of things. You feel the interconnection with all beings - including the being, Mother Earth. It is...I know it seems like a very tall order for humans to begin to take back responsibility, take back their power as creators in this realm, but this must occur if one wishes to move through these times in harmony and in balance with nature. And I am saying that it is possible. We can see that humans will do this. There may be loss of life, but do you know that these souls agree to participate in this way so that you can watch and witness through the safety of television sets? And you can say, "Oh my! What would I do if that happened to me?" You can feel all of the feelings by being witness to your fellow human beings. This is a gift from these souls. They are saying, 'Wake up! Wake up! I have come here at this time to demonstrate this to you so that you will pay attention!' And if you could speak to one of these souls now they would say, "Hallelujah! I am fine! I am living in the joy and the expansive state that is possible for YOU - in form. They may have chosen to transcend in this way, but it was primarily for you. So thank these souls for the gift that they give you at this time. If you are able to hear and see and feel what comes, then you will simply not be in those places at that time. Do you see?"

This brings me to another vision-feeling that I experienced the other day: I see a child born into the world. As they grow, I see millions of letters, words, phrases, and stories pouring into their head. Then comes an image of this same person speaking out, through their mouth, all of those same letters, words, phrases and stories. I then hear,

"You talked yourself into it. You can talk yourself out of it."

The meaning I assigned to this vision message is that we literally buy into the more limiting story that we are fed in this realm, and continue to regurgitate and re-feed ourselves with it - until we decide to break the cycle. In the vision I could feel how open and vulnerable we are as children - very feeling beings, naturally. The words went IN with the feeling nature active. Therefore, it makes sense that they come OUT with the feeling nature active - releasing the old, outdated stories that no longer serve us, or those around us for that matter. What we are left with is the heart as the foundation of our operating system in this world, the clear and pure essence of our being, directly tapped into creation energy - our unlimited Source. We then have the opportunity to practice being THAT in the world. We have recreated ourselves. Now we recreate our world.

Group Session - Sept. 5, 2005 (cont.)
"There is a time, a very conscious moment when you decide 'I want to be here'. That choice must be made. That is a present moment [experience]. The individual work is very, very, very important at this time, and also when you are building this new relationship with yourself, you are getting to know this new being. It is a delicate time and it is a powerful time...feel the grounded-ness, feel plugged in to the Natural World, feel before the words come. Let the words come from the place of heart and feeling, rather than shifting back into the intellect and the words, for you will find the repetitive words and phrases that you have used in the past - you will feel them, you will know, "Hmmm. This is not feeling like what I want to share." And you will catch yourself. And when you have a supportive environment where others are doing the same thing as you, then they will give you that time; they will give you that space to share your story - your present story. Not your past story and not your future story [projected from the past] - the story that you are right now... the more you do it, the more you will learn what is absolutely true. You will feel it. And that will come from your mouth. And when you speak authentically, as you say, in that way, and you live your life authentically, do you know that that's how you will change your world? This is your activism. Activate yourself - your Source Self, your Natural Self within your being. Live from that place and you will activate everyone you come in contact with. Obviously they have a choice as to whether they want to invite that in, but nevertheless, you are living as a whole being, walking on the planet. You don't need to go door-to-door to invite them to your church. You ARE the walking, living church - just by example... by demonstration."

I was going to end this chapter here, but I kept hearing what I thought was a Bible Verse that I may have picked up in my brief Sunday School stint ages ago. It was something like, "...closer than breathing, nearer than hands and feet." Yes! This is what I feel and know about God now. I went to an Internet Bible search site and found nothing. Disappointed, I searched Google and much to my surprise found that these were Tennyson's words! I have no memory from my past of reading the poem in its entirety, but apparently fell in love with two lines that have just resurfaced in these last few moments of writing. The entire poem is exquisite. What a gift. I found someone who is a most superb translator! Thank you Alfred. And I thank myself as well. I see now that these threads that extend out from our feeling nature and connect us to resonant feelings in our clearing work, can now be freed up to connect us to All that resonates with the Truth of our being.

Excerpt from, "The Higher Pantheism"

"Speak to Him, thou, for He hears, and Spirit with Spirit can meet--
Closer is He than breathing, and nearer than hands and feet."

--Alfred, Lord Tennyson

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Reorientation: From Building Blocks to Spheres, Part II

I would say that the most challenging aspect of knowing and working with the more spherical feeling approach is this. As much as I'd like to stay in the joy and rapture of the more of me, I continue to wake up every day in this fast-paced intellectually driven world where I must respond, move, communicate, participate, and...well, live. I find myself falling back into old habits and old ways of thinking that no longer serve me. I want to be and share what I am discovering; yet 'out-of-context' feeling and knowing experiences are word-less. It's an ongoing struggle with translation. It seems that in the act of word assignment and assembly, we have a tendency to reduce our epiphanies and revelations to flowery, spacey, 'woo-woo' type descriptions; or there's always the cold, scientific, reasonable explanation. These approaches are not bad; we try to work with what's available, but in reality the best representation of it lies quietly and contently in the spaces in between...letters, words and paragraphs. I say, thank goodness for art, analogy and metaphor.

I imagine it this way: It's like we left our familiar little house and neighborhood for a time, went on a whirlwind global journey where we found ourselves meeting new folks, hearing their stories and learning of their cultures - which we find to be, in a very good way, different from ours. And of course we are forever changed by all of this because we saw, heard, felt and took in so much more than we are accustomed to taking in. In this experience, we discovered that we were so much more than we had originally thought ourselves to be. We are inspired to BE more as a result of having MET more. Eventually we return home though, where our friends and family may be interested in hearing of our journey for a spell, but alas they were not there, so we eventually fall back into the 'known' script or routine once again. Not so fast. Before we completely lose touch with our exotic, expansive, amazing, wonderful tour and dance with the unknown, and before it fades into the plain kitchen wallpaper of everyday life, some of us will become artists. In a fervent, and at times desperate attempt to keep it 'in mind', or in the realm of mind, we will create a physical reminder of it in our every day world. We may draw a picture, write a song or poem, create a dance or sculpture, write a story, or...the list can go on and on. The arts provide a meaningful and acceptable way to not only keep it in our own everyday world, but to display or hopefully communicate these feelings to others in our world. The artist's desire is that the experience will ultimately live on in form - even if one must eventually redirect his or her attention elsewhere. And unless you are able to live as a monk in this world, you will experience this seductive, third dimensional redirect.

I myself have not been able to conveniently forget my version of the global-tour analogy above. There have been many. I seem to always come back; but not without the memory of it. From that day forward it would be like ecstatic little sufi dancers were whirling in every cell of my body. Fortunately though, they would whirl more discreetly when I had something important to do in the world - like make a living. But they would quite often start up again in the night, once my mind surrendered to the cosmic sea. In waking life though, in all of my activities and relations with others, I noticed that the chasm between who and what I thought I was, and who I really am, continued to grow wider and more painful with each passing day. No matter how hard I tried to forget my spontaneous journeys into MORE, it simply wasn't to be. Pain is a good thing in this way. It demands healing and resolution. The pain is greatest in my feeling and physical body when I have to lie. We're all taught early on NOT to lie. But we all lie. We can't help it! In order to get with the program here, we have to lie about our greater abilities, our greater sense of Self. I learned to lie early on in life - in order to enable those around me to stay comfortable in their lie! It became a way of life. A way of survival. And like most people, I lost my Self in the lie.

Now for those folks who are sincerely happy with their lives and all is working well for them the way it is, I say hallelujah and more power to you! I am speaking to those who, like me, experience a vague, gnawing feeling that something isn't OK with all of this. For instance, I am speaking to those people that have sat with me, hours upon hours in big-city gridlock traffic while our precious, restorative 'off-time' melts into a cloud of exhaust fumes. This twice-daily event also offered an unforgiving pulse of tension and anxiety that would permeate the airwaves, no matter how loudly you turned up the same old music on the same old radio stations. I don't know about you, but while I was going nowhere, I would begin to check out what the other drivers doing. I mean I really wanted to see their eyes, to look deeply into the eyes of my fellow comrades (big city commuters can empathize with war-time rush hour traffic) and find some sort of common ground. Maybe, just maybe, they were feeling and wondering the same..."Could this really be all there is?" I have to say that there were times, although rare, that I did make brief contact with a driver on my left or right. If I didn't get a 'what's up you!' glare, I would get a quick glimpse of unguarded, unmasked pain; then all eyes, including my own, would swiftly dart back to the rear-bumper ahead. I believe that we're afraid to look at each other in these real-life scenarios. Perhaps that would force us to acknowledge the absurdity of it all, but mostly, it would force us to acknowledge our pain.

Maybe it was especially absurd to me because I had been exposed to spontaneous mystical phenomenon my whole life. In keeping with the travel analogy above, I didn't wake up one day and choose to travel to distant lands; it's as if someone or something plucked me from my bed, and plucked me from everything that I thought was real for that matter - over and over again, seemingly beyond my control. As a result, I feel I was never given the luxury of comfort, or acceptance of routine and sameness (or gridlock traffic for that matter). You could say that throughout my life I have been compelled to at least try to make sense of my extra-curricular activities outside of the box. I also attempted to interpret it and report it to others if I possibly could... if they were interested. Over the last 10-15 years I chose to do this through music and poetry. Although after awhile, even with the brilliant and expansive medium of the arts, I began to get that gnawing feeling that even that box was shrinking. I just knew there had to be a larger and even better way to share or report all that I was coming into contact with.

So I barreled ahead into the controversial 'channeling' approach. Needless to say, I felt a little anxious and confused about my decision, knowing that the general public had quite often referred to it as 'crazy new-age' stuff! I remember when I used to think that too. Being a bit more open-minded and curious then most, I had had my initial exposure to channeling in the late 80's with a couple of well-known and excellent channels - Kevin Ryerson and Darryl Anka. I must emphasize that these were very positive experiences, which proved to be enormously helpful to me in the living of my life, but the latter had a profound impact on me in so many ways. One of which was this. In the summer of 1987 I had a dream that I was channeling in front of a very enthusiastic and receptive audience. It was more real than waking life; therefore making it a 'lucid' dream. I was literally popping in and out of various states of consciousness within the dream, channeling a being that Darryl sometimes channeled (co-incidently named Dreamer), and at the same time I was fully aware that I was dreaming. Without going into too many details, I had asked Bashar (a being channeled through Darryl Anka) about it at a session the following evening. After having a bit of fun with me, as he often did, Bashar confirmed that channeling Dreamer, or any being for that matter, was something I could do anytime, any place, and anywhere I chose to do it. Even though I found the whole idea and the energy around it incredibly exciting and invigorating at the time, it took just a mere 18 years to actually get started. But hey, who's counting? It wasn't until I was working in production on a documentary film about ET Contact, that I met and consulted with Channel Robert Shapiro. I had almost forgotten about channeling completely when the well-known and cherished being, Zoosh, came through and reminded me that this was an option for me; an ability that I had, and was I ready? And well, the rest is present history.

While I was obviously familiar with channeling and channelers in my life, I realize now that back then I was relating to the concept or idea of channeling. The dream helped me to actually feel what channeling felt like and that was very helpful to draw from. But until I actually started doing this work myself, I could not have known the degree of conflicting emotions I would have around it all - which to me was a result of the reverberating clash between my intellectual understanding of channeling and the actual experience of it. Still, I cared less about what people would think of me as a channel for angelic beings, and more about this: What if I put something out there that might not be empowering, good or accurate? And how could I possibly know for sure about any of it? Would it fit with what's already out there? Would it be accepted? Would I be criticized? Would I lose friends? Oh the fretting and worrying drove me crazy. It drove me to hide away from friends and family, from the last remnants of routine in my life. All that was once comfortable became nauseatingly uncomfortable. Eventually I found excuses to remove myself from the world completely. Bankrupt on all levels, life as I knew it came to a complete stop. I was frozen in time. I don't have a whole lot of memory of the time that passed after this. All I know was that for quite some time I was in complete surrender, and fully allowing myself to feel - everything. Now understand that I'm no stranger to emotional work, as they say. I was pretty confident (maybe a little arrogant) that I had paid my dues through years of deep, deep conscious work to heal all of those childhood mis-understandings and more. Not so. Apparently there is a whole other level to contend with. I cried a lot. I lost weight. I yelled at God - a lot. I then cried more. Lost more weight, and gave up on God. More tears. More yelling. And finally, there was Peace. Not much different from all of the other times, except for this. Out of that peace emerged a very loving, very beautiful, very graceful, and very vital being. And IT began to live through me - slowly, tentatively, cautiously.

I continued to channel, mostly for myself during this time. The words were wise and comforting as usual; and the loving energy that came through seemed to have increased a hundredfold in intensity know, since my most recent dive into the old emotional storage tank. I still felt delicate and tender when it came to the idea of being out in the world, and the idea of channeling for others still brought up old fears of not being 'right', or loved and accepted. Thankfully I had telephone support, encouragement and guidance from my channeling teacher and dear friend, Robert, as well as the following input from my angelic counterparts that I channeled during this time:

Boushti - Summer 2005
"Now. When you begin to share in this way with other people, they will either resonate with this or they will not. If they find it necessary to go out and compare what you are saying to what others are saying, or to what they believe, it either resonates or it does not. It will either feed them and support them, or it will not. It matters not if it fits into the mentally projected realm. We are not saying that there is nothing of value in the mentally projected realm. There are scattered truths throughout, but primarily fragmented. It is the image of a shattered mirror – little pieces, little reflections, but there is not a cohesive connection. This is what you have been living within and we see you, this being Eileen, sifting through all of the little pieces of reflection, attempting to find the truth that you are FEELING in your the piecing together of these little mirrors scattered about. This is understood. And this is a stage of development. But we believe at this time that you have stood up. You have dusted yourself off and you have withdrawn your interest in finding validation for what you feel and know, within the scattered debris of mental projection. You're coming home to the heart, honoring the heart, valuing this way of being in the world, strengthening yourself, for you have been criticized, and we cannot shield you from further criticism in your life for what you are doing. For you may view throughout your historical timeline that this is the case for all beings that introduce [what is perceived of as] new ideas, new approaches to life. They are criticized - their views, their enthusiasm. We do not need to dwell on this subject, but we feel that it is important that you feel supported for this new way of being, and as we said, we do feel your strengthening in this area."

Prior to this particular session I had been wondering out loud about the feelings I was having around my musical expression in the world (recordings and live performance). I was changed; how would my creations change? A comment from my friend Boushti was forthcoming.

"Now my dear we cannot tell you what your musical expression will look like from this new world. It is you and you alone who will discover what that feels like and looks like. And that is the joy and the ecstasy of this realm! This natural state!! So we support YOU in creating these new definitions. We support YOU in rejoining with us, standing in your power and your knowingness, your equality with your own Creator. We are overjoyed to be of service in this way. This is our passion. [With great feeling] Passion! Within this frequency of passion, ALL that you are is recognized, and how you choose to apply yourselves in the realm that you find yourselves within is your eternal joy. Now should you perceive limitations and frustrations, know that it is because you have temporarily slipped back into an old way of thinking. THINKING. When you become aware of this uncomfortable feeling in your body, ask to return to the state of Grace that you are. The knowingness and the support and the love and the passion will be there to guide you and to instruct you, to hold you until you reorient yourself once again - and this can take a day or five minutes, a second or a nanosecond - to return. The idea is to ASK for the reorientation, and I promise you, it will be there. I cannot say how long it will take each individual to snap back into the truth, but I can guarantee you that if you ask, it will occur. The joy and the passion, the abundance, the peace, the love, has never left you. It has been within your very being all along, waiting in potentiality, to be invited. For you are creators. You must ask and you must invite. This is the feminine principle."

The following session from "Grandmother" seems to be along the same lines, and speaks to more of the collective human experience. (Remember, "I" and "We" are used interchangeably throughout these sessions - whether the name/label is singular or collective. And this material sometimes feels personally directed to me, but for the most part I find that these beings use words that indicate they are speaking to the collective of humans.)

May 2, 2005
[Slowly and deliberately] "Fears and doubts arise when comparisons are made within the [given] field of perception. When your judgments are suspended you create openings. These connections, these openings are the pathways of evolution." "...It is time once again for another great transformation. The transformation itself cannot be compared to, or put into context with what is known. And yet you are all on the threshold. Rather exciting times...wouldn't you say? You are all safe and well cared for. This transformation, this evolution, is occurring within consciousness - first the understanding that it is possible to make new choices within your own consciousnesses and then to make those choices. It is not necessary to create so much of the outer-world storms and chaos and disruptions...destruction...IF humans on a rapid, accelerated scale begin to choose to This is not going back; it is turning towards the Source frequency to allow greater and greater understanding of your capacities and to consciously ask and state that this is what you choose - to awaken into wholeness - conscious, active participation...responsibility, with what is occurring now. There are humans who are serving as portals for these re-minding energies. For the changes will not occur with concepts, language, words, the intellect; the changes will occur in the feeling realm, within the body. So continue with your prayers to accept your fullness in this time/space construct. Thank you for your courage to open in this way and to practice connecting - to be the child once again who has not yet been introduced to the idea of judgment. The child lives within the imaginal realm - the magical realm - the natural realm. Continue in your journey...AS that child and you will receive more strength, power, knowing and ability, to demonstrate the Natural Human in your world..."

So in my closing for this chapter, I just want to say that I have no idea what I'm doing or what's next - in conventional and known ways of living and being here on this planet. I know that the box became too uncomfortable, and I'm open to more of what spherical consciousness will bring. But maybe I don't have to choose one approach over the other. What about the model of building blocks within spheres? I'm still living in a physical world, and there are still many building blocks to choose from in my ongoing worldview re-modeling project. I notice that some of the old blocks still remain, and some are refreshingly new. It's nice that both can be used. Remember the multi-colored orbs of light that I told you about? The ones that delivered music and song? I sense another one coming on...

The fullness of our being descends
Where we are lifted once again
Larger views
Crash into
All that you once knew
Though pieces do remain
After the
Messenger of pain
Dances us
To the dawn
Of a Golden Day

Thanks for reading my blog. I'll leave you with this...

The Natural World, as Channeled through Eileen Meyer
Aug 12, 2005
"You have just begun to reconnect to your Natural Self and the Natural World - where this Self resides. And it is one step at a time. You may share with others that you are not quite sure how it is unfolding, but it seems to be unfolding! So invite them into the magic of this. They will appreciate being a part of it. Do you see? So much of your past, your leaders, have been in a position to say, "I am the authority. Look nowhere else. It is right here. I know all there is to know on this topic." Well that is more of the masculine form of leadership. YOU are inviting into human consciousness - feminine wisdom...feminine leadership. Some people feel that this is an oxymoron - feminine leadership. Not so! You will will see in this unfolding. Have patience and watch the magic unravel in front of your very own eyes...and with all of your senses I might add. And we do love you. We love you all. Good day. Goodlife. Peace be to all beings."